False Alignment

The scariest kind of resistance is the kind that sounds like agreement. When people stop arguing, nod in meetings, and say all the right things, leaders often breathe a sigh of relief and assume alignment is finally here. Then the work doesn’t move, the priorities drift, and someone resigns out of nowhere. That pattern has a name: false alignment, and it is quietly wrecking execution in organizations across the country.

We dig into how false acceptance shows up during change management, especially in cultures shaped by “Midwest nice” where politeness can become a substitute for honesty. We talk about why avoiding conflict does not remove conflict, it just pushes it underground into hallway conversations, passive resistance, and slow-walked deliverables. From the C-suite to the front line, we unpack what real alignment looks like in practice, not in slogans.

We also get practical about what leaders can do next: focus on outcomes, track the say to do ratio, and have the conversation that names the gap between what someone agreed to and what they are actually doing. We share why authenticity and strong relationships matter if you want feedback people can hear, and we land on a tough but clear standard: if you truly cannot align with the organization’s direction after honest effort, the healthiest move is to align or leave.

If you’ve ever been surprised by “quiet quitting,” stalled strategy, or teams that say yes then do nothing, this one will give you language and tools you can use immediately.

Transcript

Cold Open And Tech Frustration

Tammy 0:31

Good morning, Scott and Tammy. Good morning, Karman. Hello, Karman. Scott Burgmeyer.

Scott 0:46

That beat brought to you by Wow, Mr. Burgmeyer. The other white meat.

Tammy 0:54

Are you having a hard time this morning already? Starting out with such great language.

Scott 0:59

I'm I'm I I just continue to reinforce that I believe if anyone is ever going to launch a website, they should allow me to test it to say if to see if it's useful. Because you are the most powerful and all-knowing um, for sure. Yeah. Based, you know, based on what I just had to go do and and calculate for you know an insurance company because they can't seem to like display what it's going to cost you. I don't know, it's just math. Apparently, math is hard for computers. They have no problem sending you a bill. Like that math seems to work.

Tammy 1:38

Welcome to Become More Group, folks.

Karman 1:43

All right, Karman. What are we talking about today? Well, you know, one of the things about Scott is if he's PO'd like we know it, that's true.

Scott 1:55

True.

Karman 1:56

Authenticity right there. We got it. Yeah. Yeah. So the thing that's been on my mind is sort of the opposite of that. And this idea has popped up a couple

Defining False Alignment In Change

Karman 2:08

of places recently that about false alignment. And it came up, one of the places it came up for me in the classroom in the last few weeks, I was doing one of our change workshops, and we were talking about the eight stages that people go through during change. And one of them is withdrawing, the equivalent of like the Kubler Ross depression phase of grief. And somebody, as we were talking about, like what does that look like when somebody is withdrawing instead of aligning? And somebody in the class described it as a false alignment. And that really resonated with me as a leader. I have often mistaken withdrawing for alignment. Like, yay, they've accepted it. They've stopped bitching. We're, you know, all our problems are solved. And then two weeks later they quit. And I realized, like, oh, that wasn't acceptance. That was, I don't give a shit. And so this term just it's it's come up in a couple of places. And so my question for you guys today is, you know, how do you recognize when somebody's maybe in false alignment or false acceptance? And what can you should you do something about that as a leader? And what are some things you could do if you should?

Tammy 3:37

Well, Karman, I mean, we live in Iowa, or I live in Iowa, at least you and I live in Iowa. And that Iowa nice thing, the Minnesota nice thing, that Midwest nice thing is is real. Okay. I mean, this this thing where we will not tell people our truth and we'll just nod our head and pretend to agree because we don't want to be seen as impolite, right? And I I

Midwest Nice And Avoiding Conflict

Tammy 4:07

think that's what it's about. It's not even, you know, I don't I don't want to have conflict. It's like we've been taught that we should be nice. And nice means if I disagree with you, I just keep my mouth shut. Now that is not something that works for an organization. And interestingly enough, just two days ago, someone said to me, you know, in this generation of leadership, do we have to worry more about people not disagreeing than in earlier generations of leadership where we had leaders who were like, this is what it is, and this is how we're gonna do it, and command and control, right? So the being nice versus command and control. And I do believe that that is more of a place that we have to help leaders get better at than when I first started in consulting years and years and years and years ago. We have moved from it's my way or the highway, I'm the boss, to sometimes not even being willing to tell our staff, hey, the direction that you're going down is not gonna work. That's not what we're gonna do. We need to, right? They have misunderstood how to go about the process of leading to the place where they don't lead. And sometimes that in and of itself causes misalignment because we're not being forthright. Scott, what have you been experiencing lately?

Scott 5:41

You know, I I think I see for the most part those two ends of the spectrum where people nod and agree and just smile politely, overly nice, right? And I'm not gonna bring it up, and then they go do whatever they want.

Karman 5:57

Bitch about it the meeting after the meeting in the hallway.

Scott 6:00

And I'm actually I'm not even seeing that as much as I used to. I'm just seeing like they ignore, they just go and do whatever, and I'm watching leaders not take action on that.

When Leaders Refuse To Act

Tammy 6:10

Do you know what's weird about that?

Scott 6:11

That dumbfounds me.

Tammy 6:13

Well, it's I fear you, Scott, but I also want to bring something up, okay. So if we were to go back to the generational research, okay. I am a baby boomer, you're an Xer. Okay. Baby boomers were like, hey, what does the boss say? We got to do what the boss says. Gen X, Scott, your generation was the generation that nodded their head and said yes and then did whatever they wanted. And I actually see think that that is playing out in the workplace. That generation is saying, I'm gonna do whatever I want.

Scott 6:48

Yeah. For me, what's so interesting is there may be a whole nother podcast about this generational thing.

Tammy 6:56

Well, see, it's interesting because the generational thing, I'm not always fond of using that as an excuse, but it just hit me that honestly, that's what we're doing.

Scott 7:05

Yeah, I do think there are some traits. I think behavioral things override that. I agree. And and so that's where I'm like, okay, I almost want to say the generation stuff is bullshit.

Tammy 7:16

Sometimes I do too. Honest to goodness, because here's the deal every generation pushes the generation in front, and every generation it has their thing that be they become independent, and then you watch them grow up, right, and have the experiences that they have. So I completely agree with that, but it is kind of interesting that that is what the big differentiation was between boomers and Xers. Yeah, and if we look, we have a bunch of boomer CEOs that we're working with, and a bunch of Xer C-suite staff and vice presidents, and we are seeing this lack of alignment at the top of the organization.

Scott 7:56

Oh, for sure. So, and uh what I think is fascinating is I'm watching leaders not take action. Me too. And I'm like, wait, wait a minute. So apparently your vision isn't as important to you as you say it is.

Tammy 8:13

Well, we want to hold frontline staff accountable, they're not doing what we say we were gonna do, but we're not holding leaders, middle leaders and executive leaders, to doing what they agreed that they would do. We're not holding them accountable. The top of the organization is not holding one another accountable. That is, and by the way, we even will talked about the fact that you guys aren't aligned and they're like, yep, and they start working at it, but they still don't have the courage to say, hey, you're not with me. And if you're not with me, it means you're against me.

Scott 8:52

Yeah, it means at the next stop, you're going to be getting off.

Tammy 8:55

I don't understand that.

Scott 8:56

Yeah, and that's that's very weird to me. And then I so the other thing on the end, the other end I see is, and I see this more with with frontline than I do with leaders. Now I do see leaders pushing back. I see that yes, I want change, but I don't I want everyone else to do the change. Like, I want this, but wait, but not me. Like, yeah, hold all my peers accountable, but like you don't need to hold me accountable. I do a damn good job.

Tammy 9:25

Well, I'm right, they're wrong, right? So I yeah, yes.

Scott 9:32

I had a conversation with someone, it was like a pretty intense conversation, and I offered, like, hey, here's some things we should do, because they didn't believe my perspective about how they come to the table. And like, this is my and I'm like, and

Feedback Courage And 360 Resistance

Scott 9:49

they basically told me I was wrong. They said, that's fine. What I might suggest is we do like a 360 or something, and let's see. And if I'm wrong, I'll say I'm wrong. Totally okay.

Tammy 10:00

Absolutely. Let's get data.

Scott 10:02

They sent me a really, really long text, really long text, basically saying, politely saying, you, I'm not doing it. I want to talk to people, and they they told me I'm great, I don't need to do it.

Tammy 10:16

Because I found my people, and so I'm gonna create an Usus them instead of just and by the way, it's fascinating to me. That's that's another Midwest nice. I'm gonna go ask you. I get put in a spot that's really uncomfortable, and I'm like, no, I can't believe anybody would say that about you. No, no, you're not that.

Scott 10:36

And so it's and to me, it's this, it's actually what we started with. It's authenticity. Am I brave enough to look at that person and say, no, you are kind of a catty bitch? Now we don't have to use those words like that, yes, that was a dramatic effect. I get it. You know, do I have the courage to say that? And do I have the relationship that's strong enough that that person can hear it? Yeah.

Tammy 10:58

So then on the other side, yeah, do I hear it? Right. Do I have a relationship so that I have the right to tell them? Do I use language that they can hear it? And as a person, right? And I remember years ago, I always talked about it this way. Hey, somebody tells me I have a tail. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And then a couple of weeks or a couple of years later, someone says, Hey, Tammy, you have a tail. And I'm like, why do I keep hearing this message? And then the third time somebody tells me I have a tail, I'm like, why? And I turn around and I look, and sure as crap, I have toilet paper coming out of my pants, right? I mean, the fact of the matter is when you hear a message multiple times, I hope that you turn around and look at that message. And I get the first time that you're like, What, why? Right. But ultimately, and that's that piece. And I do think we have authenticity and this even end up in alignment does come with being able to say your truth in a way that gives someone else a chance to just sit back and consider. Okay. Consider it, it doesn't mean it's always perfect, right? But at least consider it. And if we are unwilling to speak it or consider it, there's no way we will ever have alignment, and there's no way that we will have truth-telling going on in an organization.

Scott 12:30

I love this. Yeah, and so to me, it's just it's it's a thing that creates an anchor to a team or an organization that slows us down, creates drama, creates friction, and creates lack of success.

Tammy 12:50

Well, I think I know the two of you know the story of what's been happening in my family since my parents have passed. Maybe some of our listeners don't know, but as my parents, after my parents passed last year, I'm watching my siblings, my brother and sister and I struggle. And one of the reasons that we're struggling is because we spent our entire adult

How False Alignment Kills Trust

Tammy 13:15

lives having false alignment between the siblings. Okay. We pretended that everything was okay, that there wasn't strife, that there wasn't disagreement, that there wasn't hurt feelings, and we never addressed it. And now my brother and sister are going to be 70 years old this year. I am 65. We are trying to work through the gifts and truly the gifts that my parents left us. And there is this huge battle because there is no trust. We don't believe one another's words. All of the history comes into conversations, and it's not history that allows us to be able to say, Karman, what do you mean by that? Help me understand your perspective. It's something where we still don't say anything and we assume ill intent, and then we can't move forward. That's 50 years in a family. Well, that same thing happens in organizations, right? Five years of distrust, 20 years of distrust, however many years that sometimes we have been inside of an organization, or we even can carry that from one organization to another. My leaders didn't tell me the truth over there. Well, then leaders don't tell the truth here. My peers were only out for themselves at that company. Well, my peers must only be out for themselves here. So this place where we're not able to have honest and real and forthright conversations creates a lack of alignment and a lack of our ability to work through conflict. And in the end, those are the things that will kill an organization, especially when it happens in the C-suite.

Karman 15:08

If you think this is happening in your organization, what's the first step?

Scott 15:14

To me, it's two answers. I mean, if you're an individual, regardless of level, you have a decision to make, right? I would say maybe the first step is understand. Let's let's really understand what this is happening. Like this is happening and what what is happening, and let's put it in reality, not elevated anxiety and elevated emotion

Align Or Leave The Train

Scott 15:38

about it.

Tammy 15:39

Let's let's get how how are you playing? What's your part in it?

Scott 15:43

Yeah, okay. And then we'll be looking at everybody. Yeah, and to me, that's the decision. So, okay, now I understand, and I just adamantly disagree, which to me, I would tell you your decision is get out if you adamantly disagree.

Tammy 15:57

I had this conversation with Jen. Jen is a staff member of ours yesterday in the car on the way to Chicago. And it was this piece that says, if you can't align with your CEO's vision, okay, and you've literally had the conversations, you've worked it through, you should not stay. You need to actually go someplace else. It's okay that you disagree, but you shouldn't disagree and stay because you're dividing the organization at that spot. So, yeah, I mean, ultimately the CEO is the person who is leading the organization. And if they have the backing of the board and that's the direction that they are going in that space, as an executive, you need to align or you need to recognize that there's another company out there that you are better suited for, and you need to go, not in anger, not in being ticked off and like burning the place down in a place that says, I just see this differently, and you move in that spot. That is your responsibility as a leader in the organization, is to align or leave. Okay. And that is a tough thing to say, but you need to remember every organization has a leader. And why would you follow someone or stay someplace where you don't want to follow them? That doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah.

Scott 17:23

And and I think, and maybe there's an interim place in there before you leave. Like, hey, you can have a conversation that's let's have a conversation to say, hey, here's what I'm concerned about before you make a rash decision, of course. But going to it, hey, this is stupid, I'm not gonna do it, like that's not helpful. All that's gonna do is everyone's gonna dig their heels in. Now, if you're a leader, I think you have an added responsibility that you have to hold people accountable to doing it. Whether whether you're the top of the organization or anywhere in the middle, you you have to align yourself and you have to align others.

Tammy 17:59

I remember working with the department of transportation. There was a new director that came in after a new governor, right? And the director had a vision for the department of transportation. And they actually sat down with all of the staff in an all-staff meeting and said, guys, you know, here's where we're going, and and laid out the vision. All right. And at the end of that, he said, Hey, so you need to get on the train. Okay, because that's where we're headed. But if you don't want to be in the train, right, we're headed and you're gonna be left behind on the platform, and this is not gonna be the organization for you. And the whole place went nuts because they were like, I mean, you know, they basically told me that I you're and they people went crazy. Maybe it could have been said in a better way, and with that, like the leader was saying, come with me, get on the train, we're gonna go on this journey together. Okay. And I do think it is one of the things that we have to understand. Yes, it takes some people a little while to work through things and to kind of understand because that leader has been creating this vision and has all of that, and it's probably different from before. So it's not like, hey, get on the train right this second, right? Right, I'll give you a little bit of time. The train is idling at the station right now. And by the way, we're gonna go to the next town, and the next 10 town is only 10 miles, and you can still truck back, it's all right. But ultimately, leadership at all levels needs to make sure that, like, guys, we are going here and you need to come with us. Now, if you don't want to, it's okay, but you cannot come with us and continue to be paid and do all that kind of stuff and continually say, Let's put the brakes on, let's put the brakes on. No, I don't want to go here. This is not what needs to be done. So eventually, every single member of the team needs to come with to truly be in alignment, or leaders need to make the hard, painful, don't want to do it call that says, Hey, you've said no to this vision, you've said no to this path, you've said no to this journey, and you need to leave. And that means the executive saying that to their executives, right? The CEO saying that to their C-suite and their vice presidents and their directors, as much as we ask managers and leaders to say that to frontline. That alignment needs to go from top to bottom. And when we don't do that, the organization is in trouble. And we have organizations we're working with right now. This is their reality. They are not having those tough conversations with people who've said, Hey, I still want to be in this organization, but I'm not getting on the train.

Scott 20:49

Or I don't agree, or it's not like that. The previous leader didn't do that, all of those things are just saying, I don't want to go. And and I do believe leaders, yes, we need to be fair, yes, we need to be reasonable, all of these things. And there comes a point where a leader needs is gonna need to say GTFO.

Tammy 21:07

And Karman, the hard answer to your question in this spot, if we are going to paint a picture of the future, we don't have to get there overnight. We have to take incremental steps, right? And as we take these incremental steps in that space, as individuals in the organization are saying, hell no, I don't want to go. If we have talked it through, we have given them the time, we still know that this is where we need to go. We're not constantly changing that vision based upon other stuff. I mean, we have a very clear path painted in front of us. Leaders at all levels of the organization need to hold themselves and others accountable to that, truly align, and have these conversations. And if folks will not get on that train, they need to help them leave the organization so that the organization can go where it needs to go. And unfortunately, that thing, right, is the very place where many organizations are failing right now. And it leads to a lack of alignment to the place where, and I don't even know if you guys know this, the last Harvard Business Review magazine that came out, that was the front cover, right? False alignment. That exact words, Karman. And this is not something that is just happening at a company here or there. This is something that we're seeing all across the country right now, where we have organizations whose leadership is saying this is where we're headed, that we have people in positions of power inside the organization that are pretending to be in alignment, and that is keeping the organizations from executing. And if we can't execute our vision, organizations long term are not going to be successful.

Karman 23:04

What does it look like when people are pretending? How do you recognize that? Because I think I mean you're very clear about the like when people say, hell no, then you know, get off the bus. Problem is it's not that clear usually.

Scott 23:20

To me, I can tell you, my number one indicator is the outcome. If I don't see them making progress on their deliverables, if I see their team is not moving, they're not bought in, or they're not capable. And in

Spotting Pretending Through Outcomes

Scott 23:33

either way, I have to address it.

Tammy 23:35

Think about that for just a minute. Okay. This this is oh man, this this is such a hard one. Okay. But like Michael got called into his boss's office one day, my Michael, my husband, and the boss used some pretty harsh language. Either you're stupid or you're defiant. And my husband looked at him and said, What do you mean? He said, I made it very clear about what I asked you to do. And either you're stupid and don't remember, okay, or you're defiant, you decided to go do your own thing. That's really what Scott is saying. Is when we see people who are not getting the outcomes and not doing what they said they were going to do, not getting like taking steps towards that direction. Okay. In the end, it's either one or the other. Okay. You don't remember. Okay. You you like you made a promise, and we talked about all this, and you you you don't remember, or you told me in my face, yes, and then you went and did whatever you wanted to do. Either one of those things is not okay. And we can see it, right? How did you spend your time last week? How did you spend your time last month? Did you work on the thing that we said we were gonna do towards the outcome that we said we were gonna go to? And if you're not doing that, you're choosing to spend your time other ways. And that's what they'll say. They were like, Yeah, but yeah, but when you hear the yeah, but it means that they've made a different decision. They're defiant. Okay. And that is one of the things that as a leader, it's like, wait a minute, we made an agreement on what the priority was, what we were going to do, how we were gonna get there. And you came back without talking to me about it, and now we are, but you made a decision in the middle of that to go do something else. Why? We had an agreement, you broke it. That's the say to do ratio that we talk about all the time. We had an agreement, you're not doing it. That is an absolute sign of false alignment, and it needs to be addressed.