The Leadership Line

When Your True Self Shows Up at Work

• Tammy Rogers and Scott Burgmeyer • Season 6 • Episode 33

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Have you ever wondered if you can truly be your authentic self at work? That question lies at the heart of our conversation, sparked by a hilarious meme: "I accidentally used my real personality at work today. I'll just take myself to HR."

We dive deep into the tension between authenticity and professionalism, exploring whether self-management means betraying who you are or simply choosing which aspects of yourself to emphasize in different contexts. The truth is, everyone has amazing qualities and challenging ones - the key is learning when to bring each forward.

Self-management isn't about changing your core values or beliefs. It's about recognizing that we all have moments when we want to react impulsively, but choosing responses that align with our long-term goals instead. As we share through personal stories (including a memorable shoe-in-the-ceiling incident and a table-slamming confrontation), those reactive moments can have significant professional consequences.

Leaders face a particular challenge since their emotions ripple throughout the organization. When a leader panics, everyone panics. This doesn't mean suppressing your true self, but rather developing awareness about how your natural tendencies affect others. The higher you rise professionally, the more critical this skill becomes.

Whether you're struggling with a reactive team member or examining your own workplace behavior, this episode offers valuable insights into balancing authenticity with effectiveness. Listen now to discover how you can be your real self at work while still creating the positive impact and relationships you desire.

Tammy:

Good morning Scott and Tammy. We need the crowd noise Yay.

Karmen:

And the crowd goes wild. So what's up this morning, ladies and gentlemen?

Tammy:

Well, not much actually, other than the fact that I'm out of bed and talking with all of you at first thing in the morning, Butt crack of dawn. Yeah, scott is a slave driver. He makes us get up, like before anybody should be out of bed.

Karmen:

Well, also today he is on the East Coast, so it's not even all that early for him. Yeah, it's late for him.

Tammy:

It's super late for me. Yeah, Karman and I are like hello. Couldn't we have done this an hour later? I've been up three hours. Yuck, yuck. Mr Bergmeier, you never sleep. I swear you are not a person who sleeps enough. I just don't understand it.

Scott:

There's an amazing Weird Al song called I'll Be Mellow when I'm Dead.

Tammy:

That is my mantra there you are, you can sleep when you're dead.

Karmen:

I got it. Talking about these differences is such a great segue into what I want to talk about today, Perfect. So I stumbled on this meme somewhere on social media that just made me laugh out loud. It says I accidentally used my real personality at work today. I'll just take myself to HR.

Tammy:

I'm sorry. That is awesome.

Scott:

Love it that is awesome, love it.

Karmen:

So my question for you guys today is like A can somebody be their real self at work, or do you have to not be yourself? And maybe do you each have a story of a time when you showed up with your real self, like your real real self, and regretted it.

Scott:

Oh, regretted it. Oh see the and regretted it. We could do that.

Tammy:

I was going to say we can do the real self thing and regret it maybe caused us problems, but regret.

Karmen:

Maybe we should say in the become more sense, you brought your real self to it, and then you learned something.

Scott:

I learned that my real self is awesome Was there a vote on that, Scott. Yeah. Oh, that is so funny. I love this question I do too.

Tammy:

Oh, and I. It's so unexpected. I didn't see this one coming in any way, shape or form. I love it all. Right, mr bergme. She's asking two really big personalities, if we're allowed to be ourselves at work, oh wow.

Scott:

Are you?

Tammy:

going to be famous, I am.

Scott:

At the end. It really is. It's funny because I was a guest on a podcast yesterday and we talked about this very subject where it was. You know, when you're a leader or an individual, really I don't think it matters who you are, where you are in the hierarchy of an organization it does depend. There are things that are amazing about every single human, and then there are things that are, frankly, a pain in the ass. I am amazing and I'm a pain in the ass. I know that.

Karmen:

I switch those around.

Scott:

And sometimes there's some amazing things about me. Okay, there we go. All right, very good, appreciate that. And you know how I usually talk about it is. If you have to say to someone, well, that's just how I am and you just have to deal with it, that's weak sauce. Yeah, like, is that really a good team member? No, no, it's not. And and I've met I actually haven't met anyone that said oh yeah, that's absolutely true. And so I think, yes, you can be yourself, and ideally, you can be yourself more and more and you're self-managing in a way that boosts relationships and boosts the impact, the positive impact you're having, without you feeling like icky and I'm betraying my beliefs. Like, again I always talk about I'm not asking you to change your belief system, I'm not asking you to do immoral or unethical things. I am asking you to be a decent human being.

Tammy:

And there are times when all of us honestly think about and want to be not a decent human being. And there are times when all of us honestly think about and want to be not a decent human being. I mean, I don't think I'm the only one who, like what I really want to say or do in this moment is fill in the blank and it's not the right thing. I want to so so badly and yet I self-manage in that spot. And I think there are folks who think, well, maybe other people don't think that. I'm pretty sure we all think some of those things.

Tammy:

My parents' memorial service was just a little bit ago and there's a family drama that's going on and, in all honesty, there's all sorts of things I wanted to say and all sorts of things that I wanted to do. That would blow the whole thing up right. It's like I know what I could do right now. I could, and then you go no, that's not the right outcome I'm looking for. It would feel good in the nanosecond that I did it, but it wouldn't feel good and it wouldn't be the right thing long term.

Tammy:

And that's what self-management is really about. It's that piece about saying what outcome am I looking for and I am going to choose to be the version of myself that gets that outcome. And there's something about that to recognize hey, I'm just being myself. No one is that one-dimensional. We all have the capacity to bring different facets of our personality and who we are to the table and saying, well, that's just me is like looking at you and saying I'm simple. And I have to say honestly, people are not that simple. They're just lazy in that moment, right, they aren't willing to do the work of choosing how to behave to get the outcomes that they want.

Scott:

Yeah, I would add to that. I think sometimes it is laziness I'm choosing not to. I think sometimes it is resilience I don't have the mental strength because I'm wore down, I'm burnt out, I'm all of these other things and I just I can't. In that moment I don't have the strength to do it.

Karmen:

Right, and so that looking at my kids at bedtime, I just, I just can't be a good person.

Tammy:

I can't be a good parent in that moment, and I will give us that that there are moments and times when we have stretched ourselves so thin. Right that I am reactive. So don't, scott, you're right. That's a good call in terms of you know, saying, hey, tammy, what about this one? I will tell you, though, I've seen people use that as an excuse I didn't get much sleep last night, or I'm hangry, or whatever it is, and I'm like, hey, if you're hearing yourself give yourself all these excuses, and the question I have is do you really want to be reactive or do you want to do this proactive stuff, so that you are not just reacting in the moment and you, like you, stop having that just that bit of a pause for you to make the best decision in that moment? And so, yeah, I just, I just don't want people to let themselves off the hook.

Tammy:

Even when you are stretched too thin, you're still responsible for your actions. You're still responsible for the outcome of what happens in that moment. And you know, I grew up in a Baptist home and I can't tell you how many times people said, well, I did this, but I was drunk, right, I wasn't in control. I mean, I was sauced and so not my responsibility and I'm thinking, yeah, you're the one who drank how many beers. Right, it is your responsibility in the end. And in that space you have to like say I am responsible for me, I am responsible for what I say, what I do, how it comes out, what the tone is, how other people you know, like how I impact other people. I am responsible, is that?

Karmen:

the message If you manage somebody, if you're the leader for somebody who doesn't self-manage very well, like, how do you deal with that as a leader?

Tammy:

Yeah, that's the piece, right. So Scott and I both have an individual that Scott's coaching this person today. I have coached this person in the past. They are, by nature, reactive okay, something happens and they go from zero to 60, just like that. And they go from zero to 60, just like that. The other piece of kind of their natural style is that you know the sky is falling, the sky is falling kind of thing, but then they also want to tell everybody that the sky is falling. So this is who they probably are on a regular basis.

Tammy:

Now the question I would have is is that helping you or hurting you in your life, in your career? This is who you are naturally, I get it. Is that helping you or hurting you? And do you want it to be different? Organizational responsibility much of it that there's information that this person will get prior to it being knowledge inside the organization and how we respond to things. This person has an ability to impact the organization and have people say and have people say, hey, life is good, or holy crap, the ship is sinking. So here is this piece.

Tammy:

Natural thing is I want to go start panicking, but they're in a leadership position and when a leader panics, the organization panics, right, when the leader blurts. We sometimes share things that we're not ready to share. We haven't figured out the best way, and so this is an example of can you be yourself? Well, yes, and there are consequences. So I'm not asking you to change what I believe in. I'm not asking you to change what's important. So it's not a value set, it's not those things.

Tammy:

But there are ways that we, as human beings, bring ourselves to the table that hurt or help situations, and the skill of self-management is one that I believe. If you're going to continue to rise inside of an organization, you need to manage it, and if you're reporting to Tammy Rogers, I'm going to. I don't care, it's your first job or it's your fifth job, you're 22 or you're 62. I am going to be talking with people about choosing their response versus just reacting to stimulus, and when you choose your response, I think you have a better opportunity for having outcomes that you're looking for and hoping for. So, yeah, Karman, that's like figure it out, figure it out. So, scott, the question was there's a story. Okay, maybe we regret.

Scott:

I do not have a story that I regret, so I don't know that I can share. Oh shit, she changed it to that. You know, maybe is a you learned from, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, my story, yes, I, of course I have a story there, believe it or not. There were two times in my career where I, like I well, I would say I lost control and I absolutely blistered someone. Okay now, did I back people into corners? Did I ask them hard questions? Yeah, I've done that thousands and thousands of thousands of times.

Karmen:

okay, so the backstory is feeling about it gleefully totally I got him in a corner yeah yeah, how are you, little mouse mouse?

Tammy:

Oh Scott, oh my gosh. Okay, folks, just please understand that is not a really good leadership plan and Scott is evil there. You've just heard Scott evil, it's okay.

Scott:

So the you know the backstory is I was quality director at an organization. I had transitioned into more of a operations improvement kind of role. The quality director left and so they asked me hey, can you do both jobs for a while while we find the replacement? So I'm doing this other job and there's a new leader at the facility and actually still to this day is the hardest leader I've ever worked for. He's so hard to understand, not clear, et cetera. Hard is in the right spot, really challenging, and we have an audit from the corporate office and they're in, and so I've been doing double duty for a little more than six months at this time.

Scott:

And this auditor is I've not ever really liked him, you know, I've known him for a while. I've never really liked him. So that contribute, I'm sure contributed, and you know he's going through the here's all the things you're doing wrong as as a plant, you know, and we're on like number 50 or 60. And like I'm pushing back on a few because we have data and we have approval from corporate corporate office that we don't have to do this. But he's saying we have to and I'm pushing back like no, like we have data, it's really doesn't impact our product, it's adds a lot of burden burden. It's going to slow down.

Scott:

It's pretty significant change. And he keeps saying it's easy, it's easy, it's easy, it's easy. Everything you just implemented it's easy. And I turned to him in the middle of the meeting and there's eight or 10 people in this room and I slammed my head on the table and I say I looked at him and I say his first name and I said, if it's so easy, why don't you come here and be the quality director and show me how easy it is?

Scott:

and it was quiet in that room for what felt like an eternity, as I had had it up to right and, you know, not my best moment, but damn it felt good.

Tammy:

Did you get in trouble? I did not. Oh wow, they didn't hold you accountable. Nope, so you don't regret it. Did you get what you want? That was Karman's question. Did you get what you wanted?

Scott:

Oh yeah, we never implemented that.

Tammy:

We never.

Scott:

Oh, Scott, you just gave permission to lose their temper. Oh, I know, and you know what's so. Here's the thing. What's so bad about this? I've never apologized either, Wow, and I should have absolutely had my ass handed to me Like absolutely.

Tammy:

Yeah, yeah Right.

Karmen:

The lesson learned? What was the lesson?

Scott:

I mean really. So to me, the lesson is the relationship with people that we needed to create partnership right At our facility. There had been a history of rough relationship with the local corporate office. That did not help. All that did is create, you know, is just to continue the belief that, oh, that location is hard to work with, oh, they're really not supportive of the corporate philosophy right Now. Over time that did change and I know this person's direct boss eventually actually came to the plant and worked and this person's boss's boss, who I never thought really changed, who I never thought like really changed, like it was nice to see that over time some of their opinions about the organization and about me evolved. But you just think of all the goodwill that was done, that eroded in that moment, just like that. And yeah, okay, I should not have treated that person that way and it didn't help us. Now I chuckle about it and I think about, okay, that was a moment that I'm like, oh, that's gross. Now did I break my point?

Tammy:

Sure did At the expense of somebody else, at the expense of your reputation which, by the way, you had to work really hard in that organization because you did have a little bit of a reputation that wasn't positive.

Scott:

Oh sure.

Tammy:

Yeah, and it was things like that, that actually early in your career.

Scott:

Well, it was things like that, and and realizing that I could go to the corporate, corporate office and go outside the chain of command to get things done, and that was really not appreciated. And the bad thing is still, to this day, I would do the same thing, because I watched us waste millions and millions of dollars and I can't like that. To me, like that is a whole, whole nother conversation of, like other conversation of why would we continue to waste millions and millions of dollars when we know it's okay? Yeah, because of political stupidity. Sorry, I won't flex for that.

Scott:

Sorry, tammy, I'm not going to watch us Same thing for our organization. I'm not going to watch us waste thousands and thousands of dollars.

Tammy:

If you slam your fist on the table and use the F word while you're talking with me, it will have long term implications.

Scott:

Oh I, won't do that with you. Yeah, I might do that with some staff. No, I'm just kidding. Let's hope not, let's hope not. Actually, I think what we should do at our next staff retreat is we'll draw a name out of that, Like who is the target this year? Oh, that's yeah.

Tammy:

Yeah, we'll just be like okay, we're going to Now I know I'm not going to the staff retreat and Karman's like sorry, got plans, got to do something else, even though it's been on the calendar for a year Got plans.

Karmen:

You have to wash my hair that night.

Tammy:

Well, my story is not as dramatic. Okay, I was early in my career 27. And early enough in an organization where, like, we had what I would say say kind of a capacity issue with some technology, and one technology was the printer. Okay, we had one primary printer that we could use and so when we needed to print a lot of stuff, we had to coordinate it with other people. And I had a project and I had a boss, and, by the way, my best boss ever, paul, best boss ever, paul was very strict about like deadlines and he was like, hey, when I tell you it needs to be done Friday, I'm not saying Friday at midnight, I am actually saying Friday at noon. Right, this is what it means. And he was very, very clear about deadlines and I was used to kind of being able to like skate by and it was, you know, it's like hey, it's 1159. It's it's PM, it's it's on your desk, and and Paul was not having any of that. And so he was very, very clear with me about deadlines and I knew that this thing that I needed to print was going to take a couple of hours and in order to get that done, I was like needed to claim the printer. And I went to the other person that oftentimes needed the printer and she was like I also have a deadline, okay, and I need to print as well. So we had a nice conversation and I was going to come in early and I was going to start printing at 730. And then she would take over at about 930, 10 o'clock and that would allow both of us to hit our noon deadlines that day. So we negotiated and I'm happy and I come in to start the printer and the printer has been moved, and I come in to start the printer and the printer has been moved, it has been moved into her office and her computer is directly plugged into the printer and she is already printing.

Tammy:

And I am so angry I mean I, scott, I wanted to slam my fist on the table and use the F word. I mean, trust me, I was so because we had negotiated it right, and if she had said I needed to go second, that's fine, right. But I mean we negotiated, we put a plan, we made a promise to one another and then she got there before I did, undid our promise and did this other thing and to make it worse, my boss, paul, was the one who moved the printer into her office and connected it. So like she actually went and got my boss to do something that could cause me to miss the deadline. And I am, I am angry as can be. I mean, I can't even describe how angry I was and I walked out of her office and this is back in the days when I had to wear suits, three-inch heels, right. So I had on this beautiful red suit, I had on these gorgeous heels, and I am ticked off and anybody who knows me when I am mad, my face is beet red. So my face matched my suit and I took my right foot and I got out of her office and I just kicked it, like you know, just get some of that anger out.

Tammy:

Well, that flipping shoe went flying in the air and you know those acoustical tiles that are on ceilings. It literally went up in the air and it stuck into the acoustical tile, okay, and I'm standing there and Paul comes around the corner and I'm looking up at the shoe in the ceiling and so he's looking at me and I'm standing there on one heel, right that little cockeyed thing. I'm looking up. So he looks up and that shoe is right above his head. Okay, and I mean in an instant. I'm like I am totally and completely. I have shown my ass to my boss right In that particular moment, and Paul was a tall guy and so all he had to do was a little hop and he hops, grabs my shoe, walks over, gives it to me and says get it.

Tammy:

I thought, I had a moment of privacy that I could react and respond. I was past this person's office that you know. There's doors down this hallway but they have those skinny little windows so no one could really see, so I thought it was all private. There was nothing about this that ended up being private. And, of course, where do you think that came up again?

Tammy:

Unlike Scott who never, ever got held accountable for pounding the table. It came up in my performance review and it came up and, honestly, they use the word immature, right, and that I was immature and I was obviously not ready for the next step. Okay, I have to be honest with you that they weren't wrong. Okay, I needed to be able to respond instead of react and I was super reactive in that moment. I thought I had done everything right that I had negotiated, I had, it was connected, it took longer than it should have and I was not done. My stuff was not done, printing at noon and I had to go sit in Paul's office and tell him here's the first XYZ number of pages, the rest will be done, Fill in the blank. So I got two whammies. I did not meet the deadline and, to be honest with you, it also because someone broke their promise to me.

Tammy:

It changed our relationship in that particular space as well. You know that was something that stood between me and this other person all the time, and then we started playing this game who is going to get in the office first so that they can own the resource instead of sharing it right, Instead of figuring it out, instead of working together to make it happen. All right. I will also say it never occurred to the two of us to go to our bosses and say, hey, this resource is a limitation and is there a way for us to do this differently? Okay, which could have been. It never even occurred to me at that particular time period and I know what Paul would have said. He said no, and you've got to get your stuff done earlier so that printing is not so tight on the very last day and I get that now. But at the moment I should have at least had the conversation about constraints and thought that through and worked on that relationship.

Tammy:

Afterwards I did not work on that relationship with that co-worker who undermined me. I just started playing the game. So that is another thing in retrospect, right that I needed to. Even though someone else maybe made a mistake, didn't do something I appreciated. Someone else maybe made a mistake, didn't do something I appreciated, I needed to also go back and say, hey, we need to work this out. We shouldn't be fighting, We've got to figure this resource thing out. So interesting lessons in that particular spot. Yeah, three-inch heels stuck in the ceiling. I still have that visual in my head about that shoe in the ceiling and Paul jumping up and handing it. Get your act together. Oh, grow up, Tammy, grow up.